Who am I ?

I chase my true self-everyday trying to locate this inner spiritual being that holds all the answers that everyone says it does because I have a million of them and nothing seems to be providing any kind of solace. I battle with my sanity, questioning whether or not I’m making the right decisions or if I’m just a dreamer in denial of the inevitable.

I watch peers move forward in their careers and relocate to cities full of the bright lights and opportunities while I try and convince myself that my time is coming. 

“Ain’t no writers like Demetria Lucas (My writing fairy god mother and career inspiration)” coming out of Youngstown, Ohio,” my thoughts tell me as I fight back the knot in my throat. I want to cry and give up . I curse God for giving me a vision that seems damn near impossible to achieve with limited resources.

Who am I? And am I living a life of vanity for trying to tell the world my story hoping my truth sets souls on fires and ignites my readers to wipe the dust and cobb webs off of their own decaying dreams.

If my goal is to inspire and drive freedom, then why do I feel so caged and unfulfilled? I play dress up in my childhood bedroom pretending I’m being interviewed on Oprah about my fictitious best selling book. I use my imagination to live in the dreams that currently seem unrealistic.

My momma says that law school should be my next move but the thought of practicing American law makes my skin crawl.

At 24-years-old with no children and a car I’m told to count my blessings. I try hoping the universe doesn’t strike me down for my ungratefulness.