Mr. and Mrs.: Lovely Secrets

Mr. and Mrs. : Lovely Secrets

 Dear Lovely,                                                                                                      February, 15 2008

 Hey Love what’s up? Nothing much with me just chillen as usual. Well girl you know my life is never without drama. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about Mister. Yesterday I was on Myspace, and this cat gone get this chic a whole birthday cake dude (like are you serious?). Have I ever gotten a cake, a cupcake, a cookie, a wave, some attention? Nothing, but he can do that for this ugly chic.(Huhhh) I got played for an anorexic …….LOL. OK, I know that was mean, but I’m sayin doe she wack.  She the same girl from down the block. (Wow) I bet she don’t know he still be callin me , and trying to see me doe, but he talking about he just want to be my friend .This nigga silly.

I started my diary the same way for over almost a decade.  Lovely, a college ruled notebook, covered in bright red lip stains, had been there for me through every trial and tribulation I could think of. She did what no one in this world could do for me, which was listen, and never utter a word of judgment. My life story hung on every black line, and I fed Lovely my deepest darkest secrets with zero inhibitions.  I knew she would never divulge anything we ever spoke of like past gossiping ex-friends had. She held my brutally honest perspective. She held my trust.

 The evening of February 15, 2008 was no different than any other night, and Lovely was there, like she always had been, every so subtly assisting me with some of my toughest decisions. I had heard the advice from countless outsiders, some good and some horrible), on what I should do about the Mister situation, yet I was still confused. I wrote diligently hoping to find the answer.

I mean like why do I even care? If he wants her then, hell, he can have that bitch, but he silly as hell cause he steady hittin me up , and trying to kick it while he all cuddled up with her on every picture on Myspace.  Damn, Love, I really love him, but I swear to God I’m not competing with no other female for him. I shouldn’t have to do that. Right?

 Mister and I played a peculiar tango. He would talk to me for hours on the phone ever so gently alluding to sexual innuendos, while simultaneously ignoring his relationship with Mrs. He would keep the conversations very playful for most of the time, telling jokes, and talking about things that really didn’t matter. I don’t know if this was a way to protect my feelings, or to avoid a heated discussion either way it pissed me off.

One of his greatest techniques of distraction was to play off of our similarities. For instance, we both were beyond humorous ( I was actually crowned 2007 class clown of Chaney High school ). I loved to laugh, which is why 75% of the time I was easily distracted by a joke or two. We both fell victims to romantic comedies, and our favorite was the movie Brown  Surgar. The tale of Sydney Shaw (Sanaa Lathan), and Andre Dre Ellis (Taye Diggs) being childhood friends , and eventually falling head over heels through their hip hop connection was my modern-day Romeo and Juliet. In the movie hip hop represented their undying love for one another, and somehow I believed Mister and I would overcome our battle and fall madly in love ( I know I watched way too many romantic comedies).

Mister and I quoted lines from that movie to each other all the time. It wasn’t rare for him to randomly ask me, “So when did you fall in love with hip hop”? My answer was contingent upon my mood. I knew what he was really asking me so if I was upset with him I’d respond with “Oh I never loved hip hop I am more of an R&B type of girl,” or if I happen to be feeling him at the moment  I would say something  like “I have always loved Hip Hop from day one,”.

Mister fascinated me. He clearly wanted to be with Mrs. more than me. Contrary to popular belief I wasn’t completely oblivious to that fact, but yet he seemed to constantly insist he remain in my life. No matter how many times I explained my grievance that were politely ignored he made sure that I was aware that he would not stand for it if I cut the relationship off. Every time I told him I couldn’t go on any longer living this way he pleaded that I readjust my thought process. I was reluctant to leave the situation because I believed that he would eventually see the light.

Why can’t he just be with me? I would be the perfect girl for him. We are like so compatible. He said he loved me? Is she really that much better than me?

It was about 10 o’clock on a Saturday night, and I had just gotten done watching Brown Surgar on BET. I’d seen this movie over a dozen times, and I basically knew every line.  It was the last scene when Syd explained on the radio station how much she was in love with hip hop. Miraculously ‘Dre heard her plea over the airwaves, and came rushing to her immediately, and they were finally together because nothing could keep true love apart.

“Nothing can keep true love apart,”, I thought to myself.

With tears in my eyes I began to call Mister.

“What up Big head,”. He said.

“What you doin,”. I uttered in a low tone trying to mask my tears.

“What’s wrong,”? He asked.

I knew I had to make up a believable lie because he would not stop asking me that if he knew I was crying.

“Oh, I think I’m coming down with something. My throat is a little swollen,”. I said with my fingers crossed hoping he would buy it.

“Oh OK. Hope you ain’t caught nothin from nobody,”. He said followed by a bellowed laughter.

I faked a wonderful laugh, and almost surprised myself at my deception. Little did Mister know I was about to lay it on him. I was about to tell him just like Syd had told Dre that I was in love with him, and had always been. Our love was no coincidence it was fate. I wasn’t supposed to wait for him to make the decision I had to tell him the decision was already made. I was a millisecond away from completely exploding when I saw a tear drop land on a page of my diary, and I read a passage I had written over a year ago.

Dear Lovely,                                                                                                        March   12, 2007

Hey Love. It hurts knowing that he’s not here, but worst when I see him near her. Damn I keep telling myself these feeling are ridiculous.

My tear drop caused the ink to bleed, but the smeared words were as relevant to me now as they had been the year before. I told Mister my mother was on the other line, and I hung up.

Mr. and Mrs.: Lovely Secrets Pt. 2 Coming soon……